Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchielle.
Views: 63
Jul 05, 2010 4:20 am
Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchielle.
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Manohar Bhatia
Dear Members,Every year, I travel on my byke without protection during the rainy season at least once, just to get the thrill of being soaked in rain.This poem came to me, a few days back."This Rainfall Is Blinding."F.O.R.M._______ Monchielle.[ "This Rainfall Is Blindingas the dark cluds are seento strike at each otherfor thunder and lightningfor everyone to bother!This Rainfall Is Blindingas motorists zip pastwith wipers left and righton the deserted landwhere no life is in sight!This Rainfall Is Blindingas I drive my mobikethrough pot-holed road surfacestruggling for right balancealthough muddy water faced!This Rainfall Is Blindingwhere fierce winds uproot treesblocking all the trafficthrowing life out of gearpainting the scene graphic!" ]________ The End_______Manohar Bhatiacopyright@ManoharBhatiaAll rights are reserved. Notes: Since I am still a learner of poetry, I want the members comments on this poem.Thanks.
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Jul 05, 2010 7:39 am
re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchielle.
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Maya Mahant
Manohar, very visual, giving a graphic picture of Mumbai during monsoons.There is one typo (as the dark 'cluds' are seen) o has been left out in the cloud.Other than that, I will leave the rest to the resident 'poet guru'.Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jul 05, 2010 11:21 am
re:Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_____F.O.R.M. Monchielle
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Diane Tegarden
Manohar,I especially liked the stanza:"This Rainfall Is Blindingwhere fierce winds uproot treesblocking all the trafficthrowing life out of gearpainting the scene graphic!" I couldn't find any errors, other then the typo Maya pointed out. (And the word "byke" in your introduction.)Rain is a blessing, the Earth needs its water for cleansing and all the creatures on Her,Diane T.Energetically, Diane Tegarden"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light ThroughShuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and TheRips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Jul 05, 2010 8:20 pm
re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchielle.
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Diane Stephenson
Manohar:Very descriptive. I would hate to have to ride a bike in that kind of weather. I much prefer to be indoors, dry and warm. I salute you for your venturesome "habit".Diane
Private Reply to Diane Stephenson
Jul 06, 2010 4:55 am
re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchiel
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Ayub Bangroo
Manohar,Very descriptive poem,of course you have painted a typical monsoon day in Mumbai.The way you enjoy it is quite unique just as your poetry always has a different look.Ayub
Private Reply to Ayub Bangroo
Jul 06, 2010 6:21 am
re: re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monc
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Khurshid Alam
Hi Manohar,A fine poem! You're driven by the thrill and the rain.A good description, fine imagery, and poetic verse.- Khurshid
Private Reply to Khurshid Alam
Jul 13, 2010 2:22 am
re: re: re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M.
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Manohar Bhatia
Thanks to_________Maya,Diane.T. and Diane.S.Ayub,Khurshid for their valuable comments.Manohar Bhatia
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Jul 13, 2010 10:13 am
re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchielle.
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Jack Huber
Since you asked...The choice of Monchielle works well with your theme.You have a couple of lines with 7 syllables, S1L5 and S4L5.I think two of your stanzas' last lines should be rewritten. "Although muddy water faced" and "painting the scene graphic" don't really work well. When you are limited to six syllables, the tendency is to use phrasing that doesn't quite make sense, letting the reader jump to the understanding of what you meant, but it is preferable to avoid doing that. This is one thing that makes the Monchielle so difficult to write well.Hope this helps. This is a very good draft and I think can be made into a great poem. Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 14, 2010 1:18 am
re: re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchiel
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Manohar Bhatia
Jack,I want to thank you profusely for your timely help for corrections in the poem::: "This Rainfall is Blinding."I agree to your points....but frankly, even I had a hunch that somewhere I was wrong in those phrases....painting the scene graphic and muddy water faced.....because you know I go for a correction taught to me by my dad,who was only a Matriculate(Meaning XI passed).He had tought me that if you want to speak good English,go by the sound of your ear hearing.He meant that if a spoken sentence does not sound good to the ear, then there is something wrong somewhere.The two phrases...."painting the scene graphic" and muddy water faced do go by my dad's theory and hence needs corrections.Thanks again Jack for guiding me.Manohar Bhatia
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Jul 20, 2010 2:31 am
re: Monday Poem::::::::::; "This Rainfall Is Blinding."_________F.O.R.M. Monchielle.
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Manohar Bhatia
Hi everyone,I have made the necessary corrections and this is my final draft::::::::::::::Request Jack for approval.["This Rainfall Is Blinding"]This Rainfall is Blindingas the dark clouds are seenpreparing for a clashfor thunder and lightningcreating deadly flash!This Rainfall is Blindingas motorists zip pastwith wipers left and righton the deserted landwith no life is in sight!This Rainfall is Blindingas I drive my mobikethrough pot-holed road surfacestruggling for right balancefor a beautiful grace!This Rainfall is Blindingwhere fierce winds uproot treesthrowing life out of gearblocking all the trafficpainting the scene to fear!____ The End____copyright@ManoharBhatiaAll rights are reserved.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
F.O.R.M. Poetry__________Puente.
F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
Views: 67
Jul 20, 2010 9:17 am
F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Jack Huber
Puente"Puente" means "bridge" in Spanish, and the so-named poetic form is built around one. This intriguing form was invented by poet James Rasmusson and described by ShadowPoetry.com.Interestingly, I was drawn to this form when I saw it because I grew up in La Puente, California, a community near Los Angeles.Constructed in three stanzas, the first and third are separate thoughts, conditions or elements, but share an equal number of lines and the center "bridge" stanza. This middle stanza is but one line and is enclosed in tildes (~) to distinguish itself as both the last line of the first stanza and the first line of the last stanza.The meter and rhyming are at the poet's discretion, free verse being perfectly acceptable. The title is has no guidelines; it need not match the bridge stanza like the example below.Example:The Dilettante's GardenThe heiress dabbles in chic baroque as ifeach artifact was made for her solitaryamusement, while commoners are unawareof her ardor for her superb private grounds,~the dilettante's garden~required an architect's touch, its designfirst penciled on a bit of used stationary,yet rendered a horticulturalist's dream,now a flawless, serene arboretum.Copyright © 2009 by Jack Huber
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 20, 2010 9:51 am
re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Diane Tegarden
Jack,you won't believe this but I grew up in Rowland Heights, the suburb "across the tracks" from La Puente, and graduated from Santana HS, a continuation school located in La Puente!Small world, eh?Thanks for this new FORM, I must have missed it the first time around,Diane T.Energetically, Diane Tegarden"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light ThroughShuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and TheRips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Jul 20, 2010 11:58 am
re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Maya Mahant
Jack, do you think this works, 'Form' is intriguing.... so gave it a try.Million BucksRoll of dice, click clack of the roulette wheel,blank faces, painted faces in anticipation wait.Bright lights, hazy with cigarette smoke, hush is palpable,The wheel slows, the dice stops, jubilation erupts.~ million bucks won ~money for dreams to turn true; home with a garden,hope for the children, to study, to make merry,succor for the needy, shelter for the homeless. To share, to give, to help, all this and more.Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jul 20, 2010 1:49 pm
re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Jack Huber
Diane, I think you told me that once before and I mentioned that my dad owned the Texaco station on Colima and Fullerton Rds. (It had an 80 foot tall vertical sign you could see for ten miles), and I worked there as a teen. I may have even pumped your gas back in the 70's. In 1977-78 I lived in apartments behind Rowland Bowl.Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 20, 2010 1:56 pm
re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Jack Huber
A very good first draft, Maya. Remember that the bridge line is part of both the first and last stanzas, as in:The wheel slows, the dice stops, jubilation erupts.million bucks wonmillion bucks wonmoney for dreams to turn true; home with a garden,So, perhaps "A million bucks won" would work better, and it could look like this:The wheel slows, the dice stops, jubilation erupts-~ A million bucks won ~makes dreams come true; a home with a garden,Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 21, 2010 1:16 am
re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Pushpa Moorjani
Wow! this is fun...I like this form... :))
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 21, 2010 1:42 am
re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Maya Mahant
You are right Jack, it does sound better, thank you. Do you think I need to fine tune it?Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jul 21, 2010 4:16 am
F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Stanley Shiel
This form is excellent; the bridge line has great pivotal possibilities.Stanley.Thank you Jack for bringing this form to public attention here.And as ever, Maya gives an example!
Private Reply to Stanley Shiel
Jul 21, 2010 9:33 am
re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Manohar Bhatia
Jack,Jack,this one is very exciting and challenging.I think all these short forms have some type of mathematics invloved.Here is my one_____________--The Government Machinery.[The politicians indulge in adeadly game of rule,sorcery,fakenesswhere the citizens are crushedthe weight of this Monster~ The Government Machinery ~needs to knock out itsold nuts,bolts,washers,used oiland come up as a gorgeous new factorybuilt of, by and for the people.] ____ The End____copyright@ManoharBhatiaAll rights are reserved.Jack and others,please give your feedback.Thanks.Manohar Bhatia.
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jul 21, 2010 10:32 am
re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Manohar Bhatia
Hello,A minor correction to this line________ S1L4[under the weight of this Monster.]Manohar Bhatia.
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jul 21, 2010 10:55 am
re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Pushpa Moorjani
Thanks Jack.. I am loving this.....Ryze, facebook, twitter and other endless networksLeave little time for my important monthly health checksIt’s when BP shoots high and eyes can’t focus on groundThe limbs seriously weak, I feel my appetite tweak ~I know I must sit down to relax~Tired of walking for miles in search of butter and breadI wish I could get a phone call from my closest friendWho cooks delicious meals but nowadays doesn’t speak I am learning to apologize without a flattery cream.(c) Pushpee
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 21, 2010 2:34 pm
re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Jack Huber
Let's see if I can get this all in...Maya, thanks. By all means continue to fine tune your poetry until you are satisfied with it. Then, don't look back at it for at least a week.Stanley, I agree with you. Thanks for the comment.Manohar, nice puente. I would suggest that you add a comma after "Monster" to help bring the bridge line into that stanza. The following stanza does this very well.Pushpa, the great thing about your puente is that the last stanza is not just a continuation of the preceding lines, it is a new, though related, thought. This is the guideline many poets miss, but you've done beautifully. Maya and Manohar have also accomplished this, but to a lesser degree.Thanks, everyone, for your great postings.Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 21, 2010 3:27 pm
re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Pushpa Moorjani
Thank you sooooo much Jack....I learnt something new today!!!
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 22, 2010 6:48 am
re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Manohar Bhatia
Jack,Thanks for your excellent comments.Yes, I will keep comma after Monster.Manohar Bhatia
Views: 67
Jul 20, 2010 9:17 am
F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
#
Jack Huber
Puente"Puente" means "bridge" in Spanish, and the so-named poetic form is built around one. This intriguing form was invented by poet James Rasmusson and described by ShadowPoetry.com.Interestingly, I was drawn to this form when I saw it because I grew up in La Puente, California, a community near Los Angeles.Constructed in three stanzas, the first and third are separate thoughts, conditions or elements, but share an equal number of lines and the center "bridge" stanza. This middle stanza is but one line and is enclosed in tildes (~) to distinguish itself as both the last line of the first stanza and the first line of the last stanza.The meter and rhyming are at the poet's discretion, free verse being perfectly acceptable. The title is has no guidelines; it need not match the bridge stanza like the example below.Example:The Dilettante's GardenThe heiress dabbles in chic baroque as ifeach artifact was made for her solitaryamusement, while commoners are unawareof her ardor for her superb private grounds,~the dilettante's garden~required an architect's touch, its designfirst penciled on a bit of used stationary,yet rendered a horticulturalist's dream,now a flawless, serene arboretum.Copyright © 2009 by Jack Huber
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 20, 2010 9:51 am
re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
#
Diane Tegarden
Jack,you won't believe this but I grew up in Rowland Heights, the suburb "across the tracks" from La Puente, and graduated from Santana HS, a continuation school located in La Puente!Small world, eh?Thanks for this new FORM, I must have missed it the first time around,Diane T.Energetically, Diane Tegarden"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light ThroughShuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and TheRips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Jul 20, 2010 11:58 am
re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Maya Mahant
Jack, do you think this works, 'Form' is intriguing.... so gave it a try.Million BucksRoll of dice, click clack of the roulette wheel,blank faces, painted faces in anticipation wait.Bright lights, hazy with cigarette smoke, hush is palpable,The wheel slows, the dice stops, jubilation erupts.~ million bucks won ~money for dreams to turn true; home with a garden,hope for the children, to study, to make merry,succor for the needy, shelter for the homeless. To share, to give, to help, all this and more.Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jul 20, 2010 1:49 pm
re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Jack Huber
Diane, I think you told me that once before and I mentioned that my dad owned the Texaco station on Colima and Fullerton Rds. (It had an 80 foot tall vertical sign you could see for ten miles), and I worked there as a teen. I may have even pumped your gas back in the 70's. In 1977-78 I lived in apartments behind Rowland Bowl.Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 20, 2010 1:56 pm
re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Jack Huber
A very good first draft, Maya. Remember that the bridge line is part of both the first and last stanzas, as in:The wheel slows, the dice stops, jubilation erupts.million bucks wonmillion bucks wonmoney for dreams to turn true; home with a garden,So, perhaps "A million bucks won" would work better, and it could look like this:The wheel slows, the dice stops, jubilation erupts-~ A million bucks won ~makes dreams come true; a home with a garden,Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 21, 2010 1:16 am
re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Pushpa Moorjani
Wow! this is fun...I like this form... :))
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 21, 2010 1:42 am
re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
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Maya Mahant
You are right Jack, it does sound better, thank you. Do you think I need to fine tune it?Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jul 21, 2010 4:16 am
F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)- small world
#
Stanley Shiel
This form is excellent; the bridge line has great pivotal possibilities.Stanley.Thank you Jack for bringing this form to public attention here.And as ever, Maya gives an example!
Private Reply to Stanley Shiel
Jul 21, 2010 9:33 am
re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Manohar Bhatia
Jack,Jack,this one is very exciting and challenging.I think all these short forms have some type of mathematics invloved.Here is my one_____________--The Government Machinery.[The politicians indulge in adeadly game of rule,sorcery,fakenesswhere the citizens are crushedthe weight of this Monster~ The Government Machinery ~needs to knock out itsold nuts,bolts,washers,used oiland come up as a gorgeous new factorybuilt of, by and for the people.] ____ The End____copyright@ManoharBhatiaAll rights are reserved.Jack and others,please give your feedback.Thanks.Manohar Bhatia.
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jul 21, 2010 10:32 am
re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
#
Manohar Bhatia
Hello,A minor correction to this line________ S1L4[under the weight of this Monster.]Manohar Bhatia.
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jul 21, 2010 10:55 am
re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
#
Pushpa Moorjani
Thanks Jack.. I am loving this.....Ryze, facebook, twitter and other endless networksLeave little time for my important monthly health checksIt’s when BP shoots high and eyes can’t focus on groundThe limbs seriously weak, I feel my appetite tweak ~I know I must sit down to relax~Tired of walking for miles in search of butter and breadI wish I could get a phone call from my closest friendWho cooks delicious meals but nowadays doesn’t speak I am learning to apologize without a flattery cream.(c) Pushpee
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 21, 2010 2:34 pm
re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Jack Huber
Let's see if I can get this all in...Maya, thanks. By all means continue to fine tune your poetry until you are satisfied with it. Then, don't look back at it for at least a week.Stanley, I agree with you. Thanks for the comment.Manohar, nice puente. I would suggest that you add a comma after "Monster" to help bring the bridge line into that stanza. The following stanza does this very well.Pushpa, the great thing about your puente is that the last stanza is not just a continuation of the preceding lines, it is a new, though related, thought. This is the guideline many poets miss, but you've done beautifully. Maya and Manohar have also accomplished this, but to a lesser degree.Thanks, everyone, for your great postings.Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 21, 2010 3:27 pm
re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Pushpa Moorjani
Thank you sooooo much Jack....I learnt something new today!!!
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 22, 2010 6:48 am
re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Puente (revisited)
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Manohar Bhatia
Jack,Thanks for your excellent comments.Yes, I will keep comma after Monster.Manohar Bhatia
A Short Story______["The Bootpolish Clue"]
Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
Views: 66
Jun 25, 2010 2:36 am
Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
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Manohar Bhatia
["THE BOOTPOLISH CLUE"] Sipping my cool drink in a roadside café, it was like any other day in New York city. The sun had just risen and was trying to pierce the extra tall sky-crappers of New York . It is quite cold in New York at this time of the year with temperatures at around 12 C degrees morning time. Smartly dressed New Yorkers have stepped out of their homes and walking briskly to their places of work. Young mothers, with their babies in the prams are slowly strolling the city, crossing the zebra tracks cautiously. Three to four blue red school buses move about on the roads and are on their way to drop the children to their respective schools.There is a place called 47th street in New York and just near to it is a Waldroff Astoria Hotel, one of the costliest hotels in the world. Here, only high profile personalities like Kings, Queens, Diplomats, world Politicians and others stay. A few blocks away is a large Bank called Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce, with assets and reserves totaling more then US$ 500.00 billion!The Bank Building is a 100 storied structure and fully computerized and high tech. The front of the building is fully black glass tinted and totally invisible what is going inside. It has a very high security arrangement and no one can enter the Bank without a swipe card coded individually. Because of its high security, only one man guards the entrance. This man has been assigned to meet clients who enter and guide them to their vaults and also to meet the Bank’s staff and personnel.It was a normal working day, when the man at the reception noticed a tall man swiping a card to enter. He did not find anything suspicious, save that this man had a walking stick with a slight limp walk. I came to know later that this was just a guise to gain sympathy. He was busy with his computers. This tall man walked up-to him and said: “Hi! I have just come to withdraw some cash from my account.”Reception: “ Sure, I can help you, sir.”Still sensing no trouble, the man got up to show him the way. It was at this precise moment, the crook took out his revolver and hit the man on the back of his head. The man gave a long moan and fell to the ground unconscious! The thug then went to the entrance, after discarding his walking stick and three more men rushed in. This 4 member gang then put on their plastic masks on their faces and walked menacingly to the interior of the Bank.Inside, there was a flurry of activities with the customers moving about swiftly doing their business. There were customers, who were at their respective windows, either depositing the cash or withdrawing their money from their accounts. One of the customer was in the manager’s cabin, trying to convince him about a loan that he wanted from the Bank. There were some security men guarding the Bank fully armed in case of any emergency. No one noticed the 4 masked men enter. They were armed with loaded revolvers, dressed stylishly in Pep Jeans and branded arrow shirts. Their faces were fully covered with plastic masks to hide their true identities. But, unknown to the thugs, there were hidden cameras on roll to record their every move! Although, every part of their bodies were covered, their shoes were fully exposed and where the thugs did not pay much attention. One was wearing a black shoe without laces, another a brown shoe, the third a canvas, while the fourth had worn an evil looking cowboy type. The cameras had also taken the very close up of the footwear! As they entered-The leader of the gang shouted: “ Everybody, raise your hands.”Manager: “And, Whatever, you wanted?”Thug: “We have come for the cash, take us to the vaults.”Bank Officer: “You will not get away with this, you will pay for this.”And saying this, he raised an alarm. There was a fierce gun battle between the guards and the robbers. Ultimately, the robbers prevailed, after killing 7 guards and a Marshall.The thieves then took out their large leather bags and removed more than US$ 100.00 million from the Bank’s vaults. It was one of the biggest Bank heists ever committed at this Bank. Then, they drove off with the booty in a black Limousine out of the city!The police were called in and the investigations began. The tapes of the hidden cameras were removed and studied. It was here that the police noticed the footwear of the thugs. The security camera had recorded their full attire, and also the type of footwear on their person. So, the police hit upon a plan. They recruited 50 boys and were given a box of boot polish equipment. A large copy of the full close up details of the footwear worn by the robbers was also distributed to the boys. The idea was that the some of the gang members will turn up in the city to polish their shoes!On day one, not many persons turned up. But, after a few days, a Ford Station Wagon was seen moving slowly and nearing the Waldroff Astoria Hotel. After parking the vehicle 2 persons stepped out. They wanted to polish their shoes and walked straight to one of the boys recruited for the job to catch the thieves.Opening the drawer of his boot polish box, the boy saw that the photograph of the shoe given to him by the police matched exactly as that worn by one of the robbers. The other guy, who had gone to the next boy was also caught as per the photograph of his shoe. The boys took a little longer time to polish their shoes so as to signal the police to close in on the thieves. Thus the 2 thugs were taken into custody and marched to the police station. After much questioning and grilling, the bad guys gave in. They revealed the whereabouts of their other 2 friends who were also arrested. The looted money of US$100.00 million were recovered from them. They were convicted for the robbery and murder and sentenced to more than 40 years of hard labor.“Oh!, What a clue of the Police?” some one whispered after reading the New York times paper on the roadside payment._____T H E E N D____copyright@ManoharBhatiaAll rights are reserved.Notes::: I want the members' reviews on this fiction story, like story-line, plot, adventure, suspence etc.Thanks.
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 25, 2010 5:44 am
re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
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Khurshid Alam
Hi Manohar,In your story you give us the complete glimpse of the city New York.
Private Reply to Khurshid Alam
Jun 25, 2010 6:36 am
re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
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Khurshid Alam
Hi Manohar,I would like to highlights the following points:Description:1. Some words are over repeated.2. Quotation should come first and the sayer later to make the things direct and uninterrupted.3. Each paragraph seems to cram so many characters, they erupt suddenly, and many are unnecessary.4. Use of first person pronoun suddenly come in, unreasoned - "I came to know later that this was just a guise to gain sympathy."Suspense:1. There seems no suspense at all as you have already disclosed the things about the shoes that each of the thieves is wearing different shoes and they are fully exposed to the camera.2. The shape, size and design of the boots are used here as clues to the robbers so they should not be so explicit in the beginning. It should come later and as a surprise to the readers.3. How police were sure that they will catch the thieves by offering boot polish services only?Grammar: Many but I highlight only those which are too stark -'12 C degrees...''The Bank Building is a 100 storied structure and fully computerized and high tech.''... totally invisible what is going inside.''...without a swipe card coded individually.''...save that this man had a walking stick with a slight limp walk.''It was at this precise moment...''This 4 member gang then...''They wanted to polish their shoes...''...paper on the roadside payment.'
Private Reply to Khurshid Alam
Jun 25, 2010 11:39 am
re: re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
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Maya Mahant
Manohar,It could be interesting, however you need to fine tune it.Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jun 25, 2010 2:12 pm
re: Friday Story::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."- some good points and bad points
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Diane Tegarden
Manohar,the story line is interesting and you did a good job with the build up of the plot, however, as some members have mentioned, there are a few grammar, spelling and word usage errors.Spell check would have corrected...boot polish is two wordssky-crappers should be sky scrapersWaldroff Astoria s/b Waldorf AstoriaCapital letters:Only use capital letters when using a proper noun, for example: The Bank Building s/b the bank building,and "Kings, Queens, Diplomats, world Politicians and others stay" s/b "kings, queens, world politicians, and other high profile guests stay."New York city s/b New York CityWord usage correction- Only the English use the word "pram" in the US we'd say "baby carriage", and Americans would say "shoes" instead of "footwear".To indicate a new paragraph use a one line space. There are some other corrections that will help you smooth out the sound of the story, but basically it is a good start! Don't be too sensitive about the corrections we've posted, you did ask for reviews, and I think that Khurshid did a fine job of pointing out some of the rough spots. (I think it more helpful when people who do a critique, not only point out the errors, but show how they would correct them!)Note, in my review I use s/b for should be.Energetically, Diane Tegarden"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light ThroughShuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and TheRips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Jun 26, 2010 1:56 am
re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Manohar Bhatia
Hello my friends,Thank you for your piercing review, specially Khurshid. I will be putting the corrected version of the story in the next few days, as I am awaiting more comments from my honorable members::::;Khurshid:::Description::::1)Please let me know what words are repeated 2)Quotation point noted.3)What characters are unnecessary?4)'Yes' instead of "I". name of character should be mentioned.Suspence:::Susupence is unnecessary word in the review____ agreed.About police:::When the police saw the recording of the tapes, their eyes fell on the footwear of the thieves and hence they got an idea how to nab the rogues.....your querry answered.Spellings:::12 C degrees is wrong and 12 degrees is right____ agreed.Please tell me in detail my grammar mistakes________"The Bank Building is a..... etc.To sum up, Thanks Khurshid for your review and I will rewamp the story, after studying others' comments.Maya::: Yes Maya, thanks for reading my story.Diane.T::: I am happy you felt the story is interesting and your suggestions will be quite helpful..............'baby carriage' 'shoes' stand corrected.Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 27, 2010 1:46 am
re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Rampyari Walia
HI Manohar,It is a very nice attempt but one that could have become much more thrilling with soem modifications. It is a littel predictable in the beginning. The concept of the boot polish clue is a little unbelievable but that is just my opinion, because in a place like New York there coudl be so many people wearing similar shoes and it is much more likely that people who did a robbery would try and leave the city rahter than stay around. I do hope you rewrite it a littel and repostrampyari
Private Reply to Rampyari Walia
Jun 27, 2010 10:48 am
re: re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Manohar Bhatia
Rampyari,Thank you for reading my story.When one writes fiction,I believe, an untruth is 'made' into a truth.....just for the sake of the readers.Nowadays, robbers have become bold(fiction!)and they just decided to spend their looted money in the city before disappearing.I wish to change the title to::: "The Shoes" to keep the suspense......how do you like it?Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 28, 2010 10:23 pm
re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Diane Stephenson
Manohar:A commendable effort. That said, when writing fiction it does have to be believable. I agree with Rampyari that the boot polish idea is a little unbelievable. Now if they were wearing shoes with special markings, that might change things. Or have one of the robbers display something that would distinguish him from most other people - an unusual birthmark on his hand, a peculiar habit such as a slight jerking of the head, a particular accent or manner of speaking, etc. And also I don't think the police would endanger the lives of young boys by placing them in the position of catching dangerous criminals. And would 50 boys scattered throughout New York City have much chance of discovering four criminals who could be anywhere? There would be a much higher-level investigation going on probably involving the FBI as well. Civilians would not be invited to take part in this process except to answer questions about what they had witnessed. You need to do some research first of all on the likelihood of such a crime actually happening in this scenario and also what steps the police might take to apprehend the perpetrators. Just a few thoughts. And remember - producing a finished manuscript takes many revisions and much editing no matter how good the author is. We all have to do it if we want something a publisher will accept and others will read. Keep up the good work and don't get discouraged. You will get there if you don't give up.Diane
Private Reply to Diane Stephenson
Jun 29, 2010 7:10 am
re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Manohar Bhatia
Diane.S.Thank you for reading my story and your inputs.Whenever, I write fiction, it is my principle, that I don't lift anything from anywhere.So, the boot polsih idea came into my mind and I am sure this idea will be rarely duplicated.Now, since many members have given their comments on my story,I will be improvising this story to a 2.0 level..like giving a new title,tightning of editing,corrections of spellings, police-robber chase...the 50 boys employed by the police is also my idea and I don't wish to change this at least.Cheers!Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 29, 2010 2:36 pm
re: re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Rampyari Walia
Hi Manohar,Changing hte title is a great idea ¨The shoes ¨is an option but try to think of somehting else . Make usre that hte title does not give away the sotry Bootpolish clue indiccates that the bootpolish is a clue to the capturing of the bank robbersThanks for sharing Rampyari
Views: 66
Jun 25, 2010 2:36 am
Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Manohar Bhatia
["THE BOOTPOLISH CLUE"] Sipping my cool drink in a roadside café, it was like any other day in New York city. The sun had just risen and was trying to pierce the extra tall sky-crappers of New York . It is quite cold in New York at this time of the year with temperatures at around 12 C degrees morning time. Smartly dressed New Yorkers have stepped out of their homes and walking briskly to their places of work. Young mothers, with their babies in the prams are slowly strolling the city, crossing the zebra tracks cautiously. Three to four blue red school buses move about on the roads and are on their way to drop the children to their respective schools.There is a place called 47th street in New York and just near to it is a Waldroff Astoria Hotel, one of the costliest hotels in the world. Here, only high profile personalities like Kings, Queens, Diplomats, world Politicians and others stay. A few blocks away is a large Bank called Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce, with assets and reserves totaling more then US$ 500.00 billion!The Bank Building is a 100 storied structure and fully computerized and high tech. The front of the building is fully black glass tinted and totally invisible what is going inside. It has a very high security arrangement and no one can enter the Bank without a swipe card coded individually. Because of its high security, only one man guards the entrance. This man has been assigned to meet clients who enter and guide them to their vaults and also to meet the Bank’s staff and personnel.It was a normal working day, when the man at the reception noticed a tall man swiping a card to enter. He did not find anything suspicious, save that this man had a walking stick with a slight limp walk. I came to know later that this was just a guise to gain sympathy. He was busy with his computers. This tall man walked up-to him and said: “Hi! I have just come to withdraw some cash from my account.”Reception: “ Sure, I can help you, sir.”Still sensing no trouble, the man got up to show him the way. It was at this precise moment, the crook took out his revolver and hit the man on the back of his head. The man gave a long moan and fell to the ground unconscious! The thug then went to the entrance, after discarding his walking stick and three more men rushed in. This 4 member gang then put on their plastic masks on their faces and walked menacingly to the interior of the Bank.Inside, there was a flurry of activities with the customers moving about swiftly doing their business. There were customers, who were at their respective windows, either depositing the cash or withdrawing their money from their accounts. One of the customer was in the manager’s cabin, trying to convince him about a loan that he wanted from the Bank. There were some security men guarding the Bank fully armed in case of any emergency. No one noticed the 4 masked men enter. They were armed with loaded revolvers, dressed stylishly in Pep Jeans and branded arrow shirts. Their faces were fully covered with plastic masks to hide their true identities. But, unknown to the thugs, there were hidden cameras on roll to record their every move! Although, every part of their bodies were covered, their shoes were fully exposed and where the thugs did not pay much attention. One was wearing a black shoe without laces, another a brown shoe, the third a canvas, while the fourth had worn an evil looking cowboy type. The cameras had also taken the very close up of the footwear! As they entered-The leader of the gang shouted: “ Everybody, raise your hands.”Manager: “And, Whatever, you wanted?”Thug: “We have come for the cash, take us to the vaults.”Bank Officer: “You will not get away with this, you will pay for this.”And saying this, he raised an alarm. There was a fierce gun battle between the guards and the robbers. Ultimately, the robbers prevailed, after killing 7 guards and a Marshall.The thieves then took out their large leather bags and removed more than US$ 100.00 million from the Bank’s vaults. It was one of the biggest Bank heists ever committed at this Bank. Then, they drove off with the booty in a black Limousine out of the city!The police were called in and the investigations began. The tapes of the hidden cameras were removed and studied. It was here that the police noticed the footwear of the thugs. The security camera had recorded their full attire, and also the type of footwear on their person. So, the police hit upon a plan. They recruited 50 boys and were given a box of boot polish equipment. A large copy of the full close up details of the footwear worn by the robbers was also distributed to the boys. The idea was that the some of the gang members will turn up in the city to polish their shoes!On day one, not many persons turned up. But, after a few days, a Ford Station Wagon was seen moving slowly and nearing the Waldroff Astoria Hotel. After parking the vehicle 2 persons stepped out. They wanted to polish their shoes and walked straight to one of the boys recruited for the job to catch the thieves.Opening the drawer of his boot polish box, the boy saw that the photograph of the shoe given to him by the police matched exactly as that worn by one of the robbers. The other guy, who had gone to the next boy was also caught as per the photograph of his shoe. The boys took a little longer time to polish their shoes so as to signal the police to close in on the thieves. Thus the 2 thugs were taken into custody and marched to the police station. After much questioning and grilling, the bad guys gave in. They revealed the whereabouts of their other 2 friends who were also arrested. The looted money of US$100.00 million were recovered from them. They were convicted for the robbery and murder and sentenced to more than 40 years of hard labor.“Oh!, What a clue of the Police?” some one whispered after reading the New York times paper on the roadside payment._____T H E E N D____copyright@ManoharBhatiaAll rights are reserved.Notes::: I want the members' reviews on this fiction story, like story-line, plot, adventure, suspence etc.Thanks.
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 25, 2010 5:44 am
re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Khurshid Alam
Hi Manohar,In your story you give us the complete glimpse of the city New York.
Private Reply to Khurshid Alam
Jun 25, 2010 6:36 am
re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Khurshid Alam
Hi Manohar,I would like to highlights the following points:Description:1. Some words are over repeated.2. Quotation should come first and the sayer later to make the things direct and uninterrupted.3. Each paragraph seems to cram so many characters, they erupt suddenly, and many are unnecessary.4. Use of first person pronoun suddenly come in, unreasoned - "I came to know later that this was just a guise to gain sympathy."Suspense:1. There seems no suspense at all as you have already disclosed the things about the shoes that each of the thieves is wearing different shoes and they are fully exposed to the camera.2. The shape, size and design of the boots are used here as clues to the robbers so they should not be so explicit in the beginning. It should come later and as a surprise to the readers.3. How police were sure that they will catch the thieves by offering boot polish services only?Grammar: Many but I highlight only those which are too stark -'12 C degrees...''The Bank Building is a 100 storied structure and fully computerized and high tech.''... totally invisible what is going inside.''...without a swipe card coded individually.''...save that this man had a walking stick with a slight limp walk.''It was at this precise moment...''This 4 member gang then...''They wanted to polish their shoes...''...paper on the roadside payment.'
Private Reply to Khurshid Alam
Jun 25, 2010 11:39 am
re: re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
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Maya Mahant
Manohar,It could be interesting, however you need to fine tune it.Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jun 25, 2010 2:12 pm
re: Friday Story::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."- some good points and bad points
#
Diane Tegarden
Manohar,the story line is interesting and you did a good job with the build up of the plot, however, as some members have mentioned, there are a few grammar, spelling and word usage errors.Spell check would have corrected...boot polish is two wordssky-crappers should be sky scrapersWaldroff Astoria s/b Waldorf AstoriaCapital letters:Only use capital letters when using a proper noun, for example: The Bank Building s/b the bank building,and "Kings, Queens, Diplomats, world Politicians and others stay" s/b "kings, queens, world politicians, and other high profile guests stay."New York city s/b New York CityWord usage correction- Only the English use the word "pram" in the US we'd say "baby carriage", and Americans would say "shoes" instead of "footwear".To indicate a new paragraph use a one line space. There are some other corrections that will help you smooth out the sound of the story, but basically it is a good start! Don't be too sensitive about the corrections we've posted, you did ask for reviews, and I think that Khurshid did a fine job of pointing out some of the rough spots. (I think it more helpful when people who do a critique, not only point out the errors, but show how they would correct them!)Note, in my review I use s/b for should be.Energetically, Diane Tegarden"Getting OUT of Limbo-A Self Help Divorce Book for Women";"Light ThroughShuttered Window- A Compendium of my Poetry";"Anti-Vigilante and TheRips in Time"- available at www.firewalkerpublications.com and www.Amazon.com
Private Reply to Diane Tegarden
Jun 26, 2010 1:56 am
re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Manohar Bhatia
Hello my friends,Thank you for your piercing review, specially Khurshid. I will be putting the corrected version of the story in the next few days, as I am awaiting more comments from my honorable members::::;Khurshid:::Description::::1)Please let me know what words are repeated 2)Quotation point noted.3)What characters are unnecessary?4)'Yes' instead of "I". name of character should be mentioned.Suspence:::Susupence is unnecessary word in the review____ agreed.About police:::When the police saw the recording of the tapes, their eyes fell on the footwear of the thieves and hence they got an idea how to nab the rogues.....your querry answered.Spellings:::12 C degrees is wrong and 12 degrees is right____ agreed.Please tell me in detail my grammar mistakes________"The Bank Building is a..... etc.To sum up, Thanks Khurshid for your review and I will rewamp the story, after studying others' comments.Maya::: Yes Maya, thanks for reading my story.Diane.T::: I am happy you felt the story is interesting and your suggestions will be quite helpful..............'baby carriage' 'shoes' stand corrected.Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 27, 2010 1:46 am
re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Rampyari Walia
HI Manohar,It is a very nice attempt but one that could have become much more thrilling with soem modifications. It is a littel predictable in the beginning. The concept of the boot polish clue is a little unbelievable but that is just my opinion, because in a place like New York there coudl be so many people wearing similar shoes and it is much more likely that people who did a robbery would try and leave the city rahter than stay around. I do hope you rewrite it a littel and repostrampyari
Private Reply to Rampyari Walia
Jun 27, 2010 10:48 am
re: re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Manohar Bhatia
Rampyari,Thank you for reading my story.When one writes fiction,I believe, an untruth is 'made' into a truth.....just for the sake of the readers.Nowadays, robbers have become bold(fiction!)and they just decided to spend their looted money in the city before disappearing.I wish to change the title to::: "The Shoes" to keep the suspense......how do you like it?Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 28, 2010 10:23 pm
re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Diane Stephenson
Manohar:A commendable effort. That said, when writing fiction it does have to be believable. I agree with Rampyari that the boot polish idea is a little unbelievable. Now if they were wearing shoes with special markings, that might change things. Or have one of the robbers display something that would distinguish him from most other people - an unusual birthmark on his hand, a peculiar habit such as a slight jerking of the head, a particular accent or manner of speaking, etc. And also I don't think the police would endanger the lives of young boys by placing them in the position of catching dangerous criminals. And would 50 boys scattered throughout New York City have much chance of discovering four criminals who could be anywhere? There would be a much higher-level investigation going on probably involving the FBI as well. Civilians would not be invited to take part in this process except to answer questions about what they had witnessed. You need to do some research first of all on the likelihood of such a crime actually happening in this scenario and also what steps the police might take to apprehend the perpetrators. Just a few thoughts. And remember - producing a finished manuscript takes many revisions and much editing no matter how good the author is. We all have to do it if we want something a publisher will accept and others will read. Keep up the good work and don't get discouraged. You will get there if you don't give up.Diane
Private Reply to Diane Stephenson
Jun 29, 2010 7:10 am
re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Manohar Bhatia
Diane.S.Thank you for reading my story and your inputs.Whenever, I write fiction, it is my principle, that I don't lift anything from anywhere.So, the boot polsih idea came into my mind and I am sure this idea will be rarely duplicated.Now, since many members have given their comments on my story,I will be improvising this story to a 2.0 level..like giving a new title,tightning of editing,corrections of spellings, police-robber chase...the 50 boys employed by the police is also my idea and I don't wish to change this at least.Cheers!Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jun 29, 2010 2:36 pm
re: re: re: Friday Story:::::::::::: "The Bootpolish Clue."
#
Rampyari Walia
Hi Manohar,Changing hte title is a great idea ¨The shoes ¨is an option but try to think of somehting else . Make usre that hte title does not give away the sotry Bootpolish clue indiccates that the bootpolish is a clue to the capturing of the bank robbersThanks for sharing Rampyari
["Into The Abyss Of The Brain"]____ A Short Story.
Friday Story::::::::::::::: "Into The Abyss Of The Brain."
Views: 37
Jul 09, 2010 10:57 am
Friday Story::::::::::::::: "Into The Abyss Of The Brain."
#
Manohar Bhatia
["Into The Abyss Of The Brain"]ByManohar Bhatia.A journey from Bangalore to Bombay by a luxurious bus normally takes close to 20 hours. The writer, Mr. Bhatia and his son Rajeev were two of the passengers on this luxurious bus.This is a true short story of his experience while traveling by this bus named VRL. Needless to say, a bit of fiction has also been part of this plot !I boarded the bus VRL at Bangalore Circle and walked into the interior of the bus to my seat. It was a Volvo bus, with a 2x2 seat arrangement. It was fully air-conditioned with all the opulence to pamper even the uninterested passenger ! It had high and stylish back seats with head phones provided for music for each passenger.With nothing to do for so many hours, I just slipped into my pushback seat and went into meditation.I soon found myself that I was standing on the top of the Planet Pluto, resembling like a human brain, with a deep fathomless gorge in front of me ! This gorge had a series of unending steps leading to the bottom. I went inside this gorge and after walking a few steps, I came across a river, whose water was blood red. This was a miracle river, where anyone having a bath was assured to live for at least 1000 years! Walking further into the gorge, I found myself in front of small white mountains, overlapping each other. These white mountains were resembling the cerebrum of a human brain. It was indeed a sheer delight to watch this new marvel of nature! I climbed one of the mountains and was overwhelmed by its beauty. It was simply breathtaking, to say the least. A new kind of peace and happiness was attracting me to enjoy it for a long time, because of its crisp air and a light sunshine, as if it was passing through a tinted glass. I walked down from the mountain and walked further and further into the gorge, trying to explore it to the fullest extent possible.Soon, I set my foot on a flat plain, resembling like a base of a skull, and where there were thatched houses made of soft tissue like flesh. The inmates were like pigmies, hardly 2 feet tall with funny faces. It was a small village town. Their main occupation was agriculture. I could see for miles vast brown flat plains, where foodstuffs looking like wheat, rice and pulses were cultivated and grown.I approached one of the inmates, trying to befriend him.“Hello, there ! --- said I“Hello, I live here and my name is XENO, the village head.”Totally taken aback, that he can speak English, I inquired.“Since when have you been living here ?”Giving an impish smile, he responded,“Since many moons back.”“How’s life over here ?”“We work by the night and sleep during the day.”“That’s amazing, buddy.”He invited me to be his guest for a day and took me to his hut. I was made to wear to sort of footwear which prevented me from slipping on this rubber like floor. I noticed that the walls of the hut was like a human flesh. Then food was ordered and served.“Take, eat this delicacy, it’s really very tasty.”It looked like a wheat porridge and I gulped it down gladly.Then, he took me around his village and showed me all the important landmarks.There was an imposing structure of nearly 50 feet, called The Tower Of Silence. Here, I was told that they bury their dead. Then, I was taken to a Museum of Gods. This place was a holy place, resembling a structure, which was a cross between a church and a temple and where these inhabitants come for prayers.It was awesome and scary !I passed this interesting plain, and walked, walked and walked. Suddenly, I came across what looked like a cave. On entering I saw rows of laser like beams crisscrossing each other. These beams were resembling like the nerves of a human brain. Each laser beam had a unique function to perform. Trying to experiment these beams, I courageously walked up-to the first beam in the first row. I touched the beam in front of me and imagine my shock, when I realized that I could think 12 different situations all at once! I was overjoyed by this experience and wanted to experiment further. Next, I touched the second beam and lo! I seemed to have the solutions of 10 mathematical problems all at one go! I went on to experiment many such laser beams and each beam had a specific function to perform. Solutions, that defied logic in the times gone by, were now open and clear. One of the greatest discoveries which I made was by a particular laser beam, let’s say call it XX(pronounced as Double X) This marvelous laser beam had answers and cures to many diseases, like cancer, aids, Alzheimer and diabetes. I touched this particular laser beam XX and I got all the answers of the above diseases. I noted down all the data into my cell-phone and stored all the information.Going further into the interior of the gorge, I chanced upon a mass of jelly like substance, looking like the cerebellum of a brain, which had a mass of grey matter. When touched, this grey matter lighted up! I also found that my level of intelligence had gone up tremendously, when I just touched this matter. Many confused thoughts which were troubling me all these years suddenly cleared up in my mind. In the areas of human relations, I found that I was a better place person viz a viz: with my family members, friends and relatives. I also came to know that there is no greed, hatred or jealousy but only love, compassion and friendship in this world.Now, I had reached the abyss of the brain and was preparing to climb up the mouth of the gorge, when a sudden thud woke me up. Little did I know that the Volvo Bus had smashed headlong into the oncoming truck filled with potatoes. Since I was meditating, I did not experience any pain then! But, on waking up, I found that I was bleeding profusely near my left eye. I realized that I had a deep cut of about 1 inch deep just above my left eye lash. I was covering this spot with my handkerchief to stop the flow of blood oozing out of this wound. I also saw that only three or four passengers were in this accident bus, and were either unconscious or dead! I tried to get up from my seat, but discovered that my left leg had completely turned black and blue by the impact and there was no life in this leg. I was trembling with fear and started rubbing this leg with both my hands and slowly walked down the bus into the open ground. I was sitting on the ground nursing me bruised leg, when I came across a surviving passenger, who unfolded the full accident to me. My little son, Rajeev, then hardly 10 years old was also injured, but he blurted out: “ Papa, I am o. k, Papa I am o.k.” His injury was very amusing. An iron net was attached at the back of every seat for keeping newspapers, magazines etc for the passengers. It seemed that when the bus hit the truck, all the passengers were thrust in front with their heads banging into the back seat of the passenger sitting in front. So, Rajeev’s head banged into the wire mesh iron net ! The iron mesh net was made of small squares and a marking of a “T” was embedded in the middle of Rajeev’s face between his eye- brows. He was bleeding very badly from this spot. This marking is still there on Rajeev’s face up to this day !Actually, the Volvo Bus started from Bangalore Circle at 9. 30 a.m.. It was going at quite a high speed when that passenger noticed a State Transport Karnataka Bus trying to overtake the Volvo from the left. Meanwhile, the driver of the Volvo was noticing a truck filled with potatoes coming from the opposite direction. Trying to clear the Karnataka Bus, the driver of the Volvo cut loose and accelerated. But, he just could not clear the incoming truck, and smashed headlong into it ! Luckily, the Karnataka Bus veered on the left and banged it against the compound wall of a nearby school and thus was saved from a major disaster.Inside the bus, the scene was horrible. Bits of shattered glass pieces lay strewn across the floor of the bus. The seats were completely twisted and some of them had turned into a round object. I saw a small girl under one of the seats crying loudly, saying: “Mummy, Mummy where are you.” I went near the seat where the little girl was trapped and I pulled her out. She was severely injured in her thighs and her front two teeth were missing. I took the girl down the bus and handed her over to a policeman. Now the bus was in a pretty bad shape. The glass panes of the windows had developed large cracks, while some of them were missing, probably blown out of their hinges, due to the deadly impact of the collisions. Luckily, the ceiling of the Volvo had a minimum damage. The driver of the bus was not to be found, who I came to know later that both his legs had been amputated and later died. I and my son Rajeev also got ourselves admitted in a Bangalore hospital and had 7 stitches done up near my left eye brow and my left leg was also treated. Rajeev was gifted with 9 stitches ! We got well and reached Bombay after 10 days.Whew! What a journey into the Abyss of the Brain!??______ The End _______copyrights@ManoharBhatia.All rights are reserved.Notes:I will request the members for their kind inputs.Thanks.
Views: 37
Jul 09, 2010 10:57 am
Friday Story::::::::::::::: "Into The Abyss Of The Brain."
#
Manohar Bhatia
["Into The Abyss Of The Brain"]ByManohar Bhatia.A journey from Bangalore to Bombay by a luxurious bus normally takes close to 20 hours. The writer, Mr. Bhatia and his son Rajeev were two of the passengers on this luxurious bus.This is a true short story of his experience while traveling by this bus named VRL. Needless to say, a bit of fiction has also been part of this plot !I boarded the bus VRL at Bangalore Circle and walked into the interior of the bus to my seat. It was a Volvo bus, with a 2x2 seat arrangement. It was fully air-conditioned with all the opulence to pamper even the uninterested passenger ! It had high and stylish back seats with head phones provided for music for each passenger.With nothing to do for so many hours, I just slipped into my pushback seat and went into meditation.I soon found myself that I was standing on the top of the Planet Pluto, resembling like a human brain, with a deep fathomless gorge in front of me ! This gorge had a series of unending steps leading to the bottom. I went inside this gorge and after walking a few steps, I came across a river, whose water was blood red. This was a miracle river, where anyone having a bath was assured to live for at least 1000 years! Walking further into the gorge, I found myself in front of small white mountains, overlapping each other. These white mountains were resembling the cerebrum of a human brain. It was indeed a sheer delight to watch this new marvel of nature! I climbed one of the mountains and was overwhelmed by its beauty. It was simply breathtaking, to say the least. A new kind of peace and happiness was attracting me to enjoy it for a long time, because of its crisp air and a light sunshine, as if it was passing through a tinted glass. I walked down from the mountain and walked further and further into the gorge, trying to explore it to the fullest extent possible.Soon, I set my foot on a flat plain, resembling like a base of a skull, and where there were thatched houses made of soft tissue like flesh. The inmates were like pigmies, hardly 2 feet tall with funny faces. It was a small village town. Their main occupation was agriculture. I could see for miles vast brown flat plains, where foodstuffs looking like wheat, rice and pulses were cultivated and grown.I approached one of the inmates, trying to befriend him.“Hello, there ! --- said I“Hello, I live here and my name is XENO, the village head.”Totally taken aback, that he can speak English, I inquired.“Since when have you been living here ?”Giving an impish smile, he responded,“Since many moons back.”“How’s life over here ?”“We work by the night and sleep during the day.”“That’s amazing, buddy.”He invited me to be his guest for a day and took me to his hut. I was made to wear to sort of footwear which prevented me from slipping on this rubber like floor. I noticed that the walls of the hut was like a human flesh. Then food was ordered and served.“Take, eat this delicacy, it’s really very tasty.”It looked like a wheat porridge and I gulped it down gladly.Then, he took me around his village and showed me all the important landmarks.There was an imposing structure of nearly 50 feet, called The Tower Of Silence. Here, I was told that they bury their dead. Then, I was taken to a Museum of Gods. This place was a holy place, resembling a structure, which was a cross between a church and a temple and where these inhabitants come for prayers.It was awesome and scary !I passed this interesting plain, and walked, walked and walked. Suddenly, I came across what looked like a cave. On entering I saw rows of laser like beams crisscrossing each other. These beams were resembling like the nerves of a human brain. Each laser beam had a unique function to perform. Trying to experiment these beams, I courageously walked up-to the first beam in the first row. I touched the beam in front of me and imagine my shock, when I realized that I could think 12 different situations all at once! I was overjoyed by this experience and wanted to experiment further. Next, I touched the second beam and lo! I seemed to have the solutions of 10 mathematical problems all at one go! I went on to experiment many such laser beams and each beam had a specific function to perform. Solutions, that defied logic in the times gone by, were now open and clear. One of the greatest discoveries which I made was by a particular laser beam, let’s say call it XX(pronounced as Double X) This marvelous laser beam had answers and cures to many diseases, like cancer, aids, Alzheimer and diabetes. I touched this particular laser beam XX and I got all the answers of the above diseases. I noted down all the data into my cell-phone and stored all the information.Going further into the interior of the gorge, I chanced upon a mass of jelly like substance, looking like the cerebellum of a brain, which had a mass of grey matter. When touched, this grey matter lighted up! I also found that my level of intelligence had gone up tremendously, when I just touched this matter. Many confused thoughts which were troubling me all these years suddenly cleared up in my mind. In the areas of human relations, I found that I was a better place person viz a viz: with my family members, friends and relatives. I also came to know that there is no greed, hatred or jealousy but only love, compassion and friendship in this world.Now, I had reached the abyss of the brain and was preparing to climb up the mouth of the gorge, when a sudden thud woke me up. Little did I know that the Volvo Bus had smashed headlong into the oncoming truck filled with potatoes. Since I was meditating, I did not experience any pain then! But, on waking up, I found that I was bleeding profusely near my left eye. I realized that I had a deep cut of about 1 inch deep just above my left eye lash. I was covering this spot with my handkerchief to stop the flow of blood oozing out of this wound. I also saw that only three or four passengers were in this accident bus, and were either unconscious or dead! I tried to get up from my seat, but discovered that my left leg had completely turned black and blue by the impact and there was no life in this leg. I was trembling with fear and started rubbing this leg with both my hands and slowly walked down the bus into the open ground. I was sitting on the ground nursing me bruised leg, when I came across a surviving passenger, who unfolded the full accident to me. My little son, Rajeev, then hardly 10 years old was also injured, but he blurted out: “ Papa, I am o. k, Papa I am o.k.” His injury was very amusing. An iron net was attached at the back of every seat for keeping newspapers, magazines etc for the passengers. It seemed that when the bus hit the truck, all the passengers were thrust in front with their heads banging into the back seat of the passenger sitting in front. So, Rajeev’s head banged into the wire mesh iron net ! The iron mesh net was made of small squares and a marking of a “T” was embedded in the middle of Rajeev’s face between his eye- brows. He was bleeding very badly from this spot. This marking is still there on Rajeev’s face up to this day !Actually, the Volvo Bus started from Bangalore Circle at 9. 30 a.m.. It was going at quite a high speed when that passenger noticed a State Transport Karnataka Bus trying to overtake the Volvo from the left. Meanwhile, the driver of the Volvo was noticing a truck filled with potatoes coming from the opposite direction. Trying to clear the Karnataka Bus, the driver of the Volvo cut loose and accelerated. But, he just could not clear the incoming truck, and smashed headlong into it ! Luckily, the Karnataka Bus veered on the left and banged it against the compound wall of a nearby school and thus was saved from a major disaster.Inside the bus, the scene was horrible. Bits of shattered glass pieces lay strewn across the floor of the bus. The seats were completely twisted and some of them had turned into a round object. I saw a small girl under one of the seats crying loudly, saying: “Mummy, Mummy where are you.” I went near the seat where the little girl was trapped and I pulled her out. She was severely injured in her thighs and her front two teeth were missing. I took the girl down the bus and handed her over to a policeman. Now the bus was in a pretty bad shape. The glass panes of the windows had developed large cracks, while some of them were missing, probably blown out of their hinges, due to the deadly impact of the collisions. Luckily, the ceiling of the Volvo had a minimum damage. The driver of the bus was not to be found, who I came to know later that both his legs had been amputated and later died. I and my son Rajeev also got ourselves admitted in a Bangalore hospital and had 7 stitches done up near my left eye brow and my left leg was also treated. Rajeev was gifted with 9 stitches ! We got well and reached Bombay after 10 days.Whew! What a journey into the Abyss of the Brain!??______ The End _______copyrights@ManoharBhatia.All rights are reserved.Notes:I will request the members for their kind inputs.Thanks.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Study of F.O.R.M________ Metre (II)
F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 2)
Views: 20
Jul 12, 2010 8:56 pm
F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 2)
#
Jack Huber
Meter- Part 2As I mentioned in Part 1, the simplest and smallest repeating pattern of meter is called a “foot” and the number and kind of feet make up the meter in a line. I wrote about iambic pentameter, one of the oldest classic meters and quite often used in sonnets, including five iambs (or iambic feet of “dah-DUM”). I use the following notation for this meter: - ^ - ^ - ^ - ^ - ^.Of course, we're talking about patterns of syllables. Simply, a syllable is a basic unit of speech generally containing only one vowel sound. The word "basic" contains two syllables ( ba-sic ). The word "generally" contains four ( gen-er-al-ly ). This means you'll need to count vowel sounds, not vowels. "Table" has two vowel sounds, as does "people" and "capture." "Advertisement" has four syllables; "deanthropomorphization" has eight (de-an-thro-po-mor-phi-za-tion).Most often trouble in determining syllables is with local speech or dialect. While I always took for granted that "orange" was two syllables, sure enough I came across someone who pronounces it "oinj." A few more examples: "prayer" can be pronounced "pray-er" or "prare;" "wandering" can be "wan-der-ing" or "wan-dring;" "wheel" might be "we-ull" or "wele;" "world" is pronounced both as "wurr-uld" and "whurld." There are many more of these; a poet must take care in helping the reader, if possible, to pronounce a word the way he or she intends. This is done with context, placement in a line and obvious meter pattern. If pronunciation of a word might distract from a poem, sometimes I'll toss the word and use something else, even if it means completely rewriting a line or stanza. Knowing your audience can really help with these decisions.The simplest way to ascertain where syllable breaks are and which are stressed in a word is to look the word up in a dictionary, such as dictionary.com. For example, the captions for the word "aspect" might be "as-pekt" or "as' pekt". Both show the syllable breaks and that "as" should be stressed (bold on the first and an apostrophe on the latter). Using a word in a sentence can change the stress of one or more syllables, so the dictionary reference is only a guide.The following are the most common types of meter:• iamb – one unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable ( - ^ )• trochee – one stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable ( ^ - )• dactyl – one stressed syllable followed by two unstressed syllables ( ^ - - )• anapest – two unstressed syllables followed by one stressed syllable ( - - ^ )• spondee – two stressed syllables together ( ^ ^ )The number of metrical feet in a line are as follows:• dimeter – two feet • trimeter – three feet • tetrameter – four feet • pentameter – five feet • hexameter – six feet • heptameter – seven feet • octameter – eight feet I’ll sometimes write in anapestic trimeter or tetrameter, such as:I will travel the world in a month ( - - ^ - - ^ - - ^ )Please remember your manners when visiting Ted ( - - ^ - - ^- - ^ - - ^ )When choosing a meter, you can mix patterns, usually in alternating lines, but remember you should keep that combined pattern throughout the poem. You can also add or subtract a syllable at the beginning or end of an otherwise classic metrical line as long as you are consistent, or it enhances the flow or emotion of the poem. In other words, it’s okay to purposely break the rules once you know them. Shakespeare often added and subtracted syllables from his patterns.Financial debacle was fast on our heels, ( - ^ - - ^ - - ^ - - ^ = anapestic tetrameter minus the first syllable)we managed to stay just ahead (- ^ - - ^ - - ^ = anapestic trimeter minus the first syllable)by moving to Kansas and Midwest ideals, (anapestic tetrameter minus the first syllable)a shelter from cash flow in red… (anapestic trimeter minus the first syllable)The most important aspect of meter is consistency and flow. When in doubt, write down the pattern notations for your whole poem and the inconsistencies will usually be obvious. Copyright © 2010 by Jack Huber
Views: 20
Jul 12, 2010 8:56 pm
F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 2)
#
Jack Huber
Meter- Part 2As I mentioned in Part 1, the simplest and smallest repeating pattern of meter is called a “foot” and the number and kind of feet make up the meter in a line. I wrote about iambic pentameter, one of the oldest classic meters and quite often used in sonnets, including five iambs (or iambic feet of “dah-DUM”). I use the following notation for this meter: - ^ - ^ - ^ - ^ - ^.Of course, we're talking about patterns of syllables. Simply, a syllable is a basic unit of speech generally containing only one vowel sound. The word "basic" contains two syllables ( ba-sic ). The word "generally" contains four ( gen-er-al-ly ). This means you'll need to count vowel sounds, not vowels. "Table" has two vowel sounds, as does "people" and "capture." "Advertisement" has four syllables; "deanthropomorphization" has eight (de-an-thro-po-mor-phi-za-tion).Most often trouble in determining syllables is with local speech or dialect. While I always took for granted that "orange" was two syllables, sure enough I came across someone who pronounces it "oinj." A few more examples: "prayer" can be pronounced "pray-er" or "prare;" "wandering" can be "wan-der-ing" or "wan-dring;" "wheel" might be "we-ull" or "wele;" "world" is pronounced both as "wurr-uld" and "whurld." There are many more of these; a poet must take care in helping the reader, if possible, to pronounce a word the way he or she intends. This is done with context, placement in a line and obvious meter pattern. If pronunciation of a word might distract from a poem, sometimes I'll toss the word and use something else, even if it means completely rewriting a line or stanza. Knowing your audience can really help with these decisions.The simplest way to ascertain where syllable breaks are and which are stressed in a word is to look the word up in a dictionary, such as dictionary.com. For example, the captions for the word "aspect" might be "as-pekt" or "as' pekt". Both show the syllable breaks and that "as" should be stressed (bold on the first and an apostrophe on the latter). Using a word in a sentence can change the stress of one or more syllables, so the dictionary reference is only a guide.The following are the most common types of meter:• iamb – one unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable ( - ^ )• trochee – one stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable ( ^ - )• dactyl – one stressed syllable followed by two unstressed syllables ( ^ - - )• anapest – two unstressed syllables followed by one stressed syllable ( - - ^ )• spondee – two stressed syllables together ( ^ ^ )The number of metrical feet in a line are as follows:• dimeter – two feet • trimeter – three feet • tetrameter – four feet • pentameter – five feet • hexameter – six feet • heptameter – seven feet • octameter – eight feet I’ll sometimes write in anapestic trimeter or tetrameter, such as:I will travel the world in a month ( - - ^ - - ^ - - ^ )Please remember your manners when visiting Ted ( - - ^ - - ^- - ^ - - ^ )When choosing a meter, you can mix patterns, usually in alternating lines, but remember you should keep that combined pattern throughout the poem. You can also add or subtract a syllable at the beginning or end of an otherwise classic metrical line as long as you are consistent, or it enhances the flow or emotion of the poem. In other words, it’s okay to purposely break the rules once you know them. Shakespeare often added and subtracted syllables from his patterns.Financial debacle was fast on our heels, ( - ^ - - ^ - - ^ - - ^ = anapestic tetrameter minus the first syllable)we managed to stay just ahead (- ^ - - ^ - - ^ = anapestic trimeter minus the first syllable)by moving to Kansas and Midwest ideals, (anapestic tetrameter minus the first syllable)a shelter from cash flow in red… (anapestic trimeter minus the first syllable)The most important aspect of meter is consistency and flow. When in doubt, write down the pattern notations for your whole poem and the inconsistencies will usually be obvious. Copyright © 2010 by Jack Huber
Friday, July 9, 2010
Study of F.O.R.M___Meter(part I) by Jack Huber.
F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) Views: 40
Jul 06, 2010 10:11 am F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber Meter is the pattern of syllables used in poetry, including the number and type, stressed and unstressed, of syllables in each line, and the patterns that are used in multiple lines. For notation's sake, I use a dash for unstressed syllables (-) and a carat for emphasized ones (^). So, "- ^ -" means, "dah-DUM-dah," like "consider" or "in fashion."
The line, "they have seen the policeman's holster" would have the notation, "- - ^ - - ^ - ^ -" (they have SEEN the poLICEman's HOLster).
Simalarly, "Do not go gentle into that good night" would be "- ^ - ^ - ^ - - ^ ^" (do NOT go GENtle INto that GOOD NIGHT).
A "foot" is the smallest repeating pattern in a line, so five feet of " - ^ " (called an iambic foot) would look like this:
- ^ - ^ - ^ - ^ - ^
Example:
"the pitch will soon be coming to the plate"
You can use notation to help determine the consistency of meter. A break in the pattern will really stand out.
Five iambic feet is called "iambic pentameter" and is a meter I use often. Just four iambic feet in a line is called "iambic tetrameter", and you can trade off in a stanza, making odd lines pentameter and even lines tetrameter, for example:
The pitch will soon be coming to the plate;
the batter's ready, leaning back.
Two fingers down, a curve-ball on its way,
avoiding contact, down goes Jack.
It is also acceptable to vary by a syllable if it makes the poem smoother to read, of is necessary in projecting emotion, but I strive for perfect meter, taking it as a personal challenge.
Just remember that once you start a meter pattern, you must keep that pattern throughout, unless a particular form requires a change. There are forms, such as haiku, that are meter independent, so maintaining a meter is not only difficult, but not desirable.
Interestingly, the best unrhymed poetry still uses meter to some extent for rhythm and flow.
Sonnets are often written in iambic pentameter. Here is an example:
Majestic
It has been years since guests have spent the night,
yet here it sits, majestic in its state
of disrepair, a shadow of the sight
it once projected, ill-aware of fate.
When gold ran out the miners laid in wait,
and word got out, which slowed the westward drift,
migration stalled while those in stead debate
decided if economies would lift.
With nothing else to draw, the end was swift,
more vacancies, the empty rooms were cold.
No longer could the owners man the shift,
and nothing left- the hotel hadn't sold.
The long abandoned property, forlorn,
displays its fading windows as we mourn.
Copyright © 2010 by Jack Huber-
All rights reserved.
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 06, 2010 10:30 am re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Manohar Bhatia Jack,
Thank you very much in writing about METER.Actually, I had asked you in my previous questions about the meaning of METER, but it looks, my question got overlooked.Now, I am studying this METER meticulously to get into the heart of it.Thank you again,Jack.
Here is my dash(-) and carat(?)__________
"He walks delicately(-) on the hard(carat) surface."
How is the example,Jack?
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jul 06, 2010 11:57 am re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Pushpa Moorjani Thank you Jack...still confusing though..but will try to understand...:))
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 06, 2010 1:32 pm re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber I'm sorry if I missed answering a question for you, Manohar. I'm not sure what you are asking here, but in my notation, the line:
He walks delicately on the hard surface
might be noted:
^ ^ ^ - ^ - - - ^ ^ -
The only caveat here is the first two words can be emphasized differently, though in American English they would both normally be emphasized. Noted a different way, with emphasized syllables in caps:
HE WALKS DEL-i-CATE-ly on the HARD SUR-face.
In poetry, the author can force a meter that is unnatural to speak, so you have to cater to the speech patterns of your readers to get the most fluid results.
FYI- the carat is shift-6 on most keyboards.
Hope this makes sense to you. I'll be writing about other meter patterns next week.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 07, 2010 3:06 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Maya Mahant I have homework piling up Jack, I have yet to attempt the last two forms you posted.
I sure am going to give this one a try.... BTW do you have an embedded poetic chip ..... just asking.
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jul 07, 2010 9:23 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber What is confusing to you, Pushpa? Perhaps I can shed more light on it for you.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 07, 2010 9:35 am re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber Maya,
No chip, just a good creative writing education when I was growing up...
Don't worry about trying every form. Homework is much more important.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 07, 2010 3:14 pm re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Pushpa Moorjani Thank you Jack..its these sounds - long and short...that is confusing....all this time I would concentrate on syllables and it was easier that way...I would tap on the table for syllables to get the rhythm....know what I mean?
:))
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 07, 2010 8:46 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber You can possibly get the syllable breaks that way, but just as important are the stressed and unstressed aspects of them.
Simply, a syllable is a basic unit of speech generally containing only one vowel sound. The word "basic" contains two syllables ( ba-sic ). The word "generally" contains four ( gen-er-al-ly ).
The simplest way to ascertain where syllable breaks are and which are stressed in a word is to look the word up in a dictionary, such as dictionary.com. For example, the captions for the word "aspect" might be "as-pekt" or "as' pekt". Both show the syllable breaks and that "as" should be stressed (bold on the first and an apostrophe on the latter). Using a word in a sentence can change the stress of one or more syllables, so the dictionary reference is only a guide.
Yes, it can be confusing.
Jack.
Jul 06, 2010 10:11 am F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber Meter is the pattern of syllables used in poetry, including the number and type, stressed and unstressed, of syllables in each line, and the patterns that are used in multiple lines. For notation's sake, I use a dash for unstressed syllables (-) and a carat for emphasized ones (^). So, "- ^ -" means, "dah-DUM-dah," like "consider" or "in fashion."
The line, "they have seen the policeman's holster" would have the notation, "- - ^ - - ^ - ^ -" (they have SEEN the poLICEman's HOLster).
Simalarly, "Do not go gentle into that good night" would be "- ^ - ^ - ^ - - ^ ^" (do NOT go GENtle INto that GOOD NIGHT).
A "foot" is the smallest repeating pattern in a line, so five feet of " - ^ " (called an iambic foot) would look like this:
- ^ - ^ - ^ - ^ - ^
Example:
"the pitch will soon be coming to the plate"
You can use notation to help determine the consistency of meter. A break in the pattern will really stand out.
Five iambic feet is called "iambic pentameter" and is a meter I use often. Just four iambic feet in a line is called "iambic tetrameter", and you can trade off in a stanza, making odd lines pentameter and even lines tetrameter, for example:
The pitch will soon be coming to the plate;
the batter's ready, leaning back.
Two fingers down, a curve-ball on its way,
avoiding contact, down goes Jack.
It is also acceptable to vary by a syllable if it makes the poem smoother to read, of is necessary in projecting emotion, but I strive for perfect meter, taking it as a personal challenge.
Just remember that once you start a meter pattern, you must keep that pattern throughout, unless a particular form requires a change. There are forms, such as haiku, that are meter independent, so maintaining a meter is not only difficult, but not desirable.
Interestingly, the best unrhymed poetry still uses meter to some extent for rhythm and flow.
Sonnets are often written in iambic pentameter. Here is an example:
Majestic
It has been years since guests have spent the night,
yet here it sits, majestic in its state
of disrepair, a shadow of the sight
it once projected, ill-aware of fate.
When gold ran out the miners laid in wait,
and word got out, which slowed the westward drift,
migration stalled while those in stead debate
decided if economies would lift.
With nothing else to draw, the end was swift,
more vacancies, the empty rooms were cold.
No longer could the owners man the shift,
and nothing left- the hotel hadn't sold.
The long abandoned property, forlorn,
displays its fading windows as we mourn.
Copyright © 2010 by Jack Huber-
All rights reserved.
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 06, 2010 10:30 am re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Manohar Bhatia Jack,
Thank you very much in writing about METER.Actually, I had asked you in my previous questions about the meaning of METER, but it looks, my question got overlooked.Now, I am studying this METER meticulously to get into the heart of it.Thank you again,Jack.
Here is my dash(-) and carat(?)__________
"He walks delicately(-) on the hard(carat) surface."
How is the example,Jack?
Manohar Bhatia
Private Reply to Manohar Bhatia Delete your post
Jul 06, 2010 11:57 am re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Pushpa Moorjani Thank you Jack...still confusing though..but will try to understand...:))
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 06, 2010 1:32 pm re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber I'm sorry if I missed answering a question for you, Manohar. I'm not sure what you are asking here, but in my notation, the line:
He walks delicately on the hard surface
might be noted:
^ ^ ^ - ^ - - - ^ ^ -
The only caveat here is the first two words can be emphasized differently, though in American English they would both normally be emphasized. Noted a different way, with emphasized syllables in caps:
HE WALKS DEL-i-CATE-ly on the HARD SUR-face.
In poetry, the author can force a meter that is unnatural to speak, so you have to cater to the speech patterns of your readers to get the most fluid results.
FYI- the carat is shift-6 on most keyboards.
Hope this makes sense to you. I'll be writing about other meter patterns next week.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 07, 2010 3:06 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Maya Mahant I have homework piling up Jack, I have yet to attempt the last two forms you posted.
I sure am going to give this one a try.... BTW do you have an embedded poetic chip ..... just asking.
Maya
Private Reply to Maya Mahant
Jul 07, 2010 9:23 am re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber What is confusing to you, Pushpa? Perhaps I can shed more light on it for you.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 07, 2010 9:35 am re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber Maya,
No chip, just a good creative writing education when I was growing up...
Don't worry about trying every form. Homework is much more important.
Jack
Private Reply to Jack Huber
Jul 07, 2010 3:14 pm re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Pushpa Moorjani Thank you Jack..its these sounds - long and short...that is confusing....all this time I would concentrate on syllables and it was easier that way...I would tap on the table for syllables to get the rhythm....know what I mean?
:))
Private Reply to Pushpa Moorjani
Jul 07, 2010 8:46 pm re: re: re: re: re: re: F.O.R.M.- Meter (Part 1) #
Jack Huber You can possibly get the syllable breaks that way, but just as important are the stressed and unstressed aspects of them.
Simply, a syllable is a basic unit of speech generally containing only one vowel sound. The word "basic" contains two syllables ( ba-sic ). The word "generally" contains four ( gen-er-al-ly ).
The simplest way to ascertain where syllable breaks are and which are stressed in a word is to look the word up in a dictionary, such as dictionary.com. For example, the captions for the word "aspect" might be "as-pekt" or "as' pekt". Both show the syllable breaks and that "as" should be stressed (bold on the first and an apostrophe on the latter). Using a word in a sentence can change the stress of one or more syllables, so the dictionary reference is only a guide.
Yes, it can be confusing.
Jack.
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